1991 Grade 7, B Team Defensive a player of the year.
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Sometimes it's important to take the long way home and force your kids to listen to all of Killing in the Name of.
It's actually remarkable how something objectively bad can happen to Rudy and he still manages to make it weird and turn people against him.
It's wild how fucking easy it is to explain things to small kids if you get out of your own head and keep things simple. Adults invent complications, kids don't need them.
Gonna feed these bees some Frank's sauce and harvest me some hot honey.
Maybe, just maybe, if you're siding with the guy who's targeting kids with brain cancer then you might be a bad person?
The luxury of wearing a brand new plain black hoodie for the first time.
What they're doing is poops and pees....there, explained it for you.
She died the way she lived, trying to kill Mike Pence
My kids made me watch it...it's really good.
Who do they think is going to pump their gas after they kill all the poor people?
It's a complete trip to think about what the US will look like in 3 years.
if I stay very very still maybe the despair won’t see me
One Headlight - Wallflowers
I think #1 is growing up watching on crappy old tvs...it conditions you to anticipate where the puck should be because it was so hard to track it in realtime...goal mouth scrums are just the hardest situation for that.
Maintaining my lifetime perfect record of not being able to properly measure a sensible portion of pasta.
Asshole has a misogynist post pinned in his account and is out there arguing what the left should do.
The minute someone gets the runs from bad lettuce, we take it off the shelves....but you know, this is different 🙄
"Let people be hopeful" about a very problematic politician says more about the "hopeful" people than the people opposing them.
Here's an idea....pick a candidate that doesn't want a significant part of your base to die.
It's wild that the American Democratic system lasted 250 years based purely on vibes.
When I bought a three story house I didn't realize there would be days I accidentally came downstairs without socks.
A jury of my peers? TWELVE murderers?!
You think you kids have it tough? In my days we couldn't drag to reorder our browser tabs.
1999: C'mon, no one as goofy as Jar Jar Binks could be a politician. This is so unrealistic. 2025: Man, these fucking clowns in Washington could learn something from a respectable leader like Jar Jar.
Things I will always call by their old names, no matter how long it's been since they changed: Chapters, Hartman's, Radioshack.
Whoever dies with the most dad themed mugs wins.
That's amazing.
Parenting is having a veggie burger so your daughter can have the last meat one even though you know she's just gonna have two bites of it.
I can't imagine what it's like to be very popular in a discipline but, as someone who tools at a very low level in the arts, "not having shitty fans" is pretty important to me. It's nice when bigger artists are similar.
We've officially hit the "time to go back to school" point of summer
Alina Habba should do her job and fuck off all the way to the moon.
I mean, if you consider truth and science and reality left leaning....then yeah, I guess that might suck.
Nate: Etta has glue on her face. Me: how'd you get glue on your face? Etta: I was glueing things to my face. Me: uh, ok.
Lol, let's add the "bad at math robot" to the "it only does math" program.
Two factor authentication will be the downfall of society. I'm not sure how, I just feel it deep inside.
Did you ever look at a word and know it's spelled right but just didn't "seem correct"....today that word for me was "our"... something really wrong looking about that word.
Perfect pop songs: Hey Jealousy End of list.
Hey Jealousy might be the perfect pop song. I will not be taking questions on this.
My mom was trying to wrap her head around it and all I said was "remember cabbage patch kids" and she goes "ohhhhhh"
MS Now was definitely part of Windows 98.
8yo (watching Bob's Burgers): Dad you should be the principal at Fart School of the Gifted. Me: Thanks
Fucking good. Hope it fucking hurt.
It would be preferable if the people with all the money weren't the worst people in the world.
Seems pretty mean that in the Star Wars universe they have autonomous robots and some of them are fully articulated humanoids but others are trash cans on wheels.
8yo: I'm hungry Me: what do you want to eat? 8yo: do we have alphaghetti? Me: yup, do you want that? 8yo: no.
Did we ever find out what type of sandwich it was? I have a tattoo idea.
If Bernie Sanders said "pokemon go to the polls" it would be on shirts on Etsy within 7 minutes
So why do all these fucking scaredy cats have their guns for?
Lol, the "be a man" guy is having a tough time breathing. Muffin!
The original smash burger
....yeah, not gonna read that book
Pet Semetery....I just wouldn't bury any people there.
He's a very good tactical penny pincher...not sure that's going to be as effective in the NBA as it is in the NHL.
Fabric groceries bags were tailor made for baby hauling.....I've got like 100 in my trunk right now and every single one could be slinging a newborn.
Do any of these people have the slightest idea of who Bill Maher is?
a horse race? you mean a clompetition?
I mean, even if it did happen she's describing a perfectly peaceful interaction between two groups of people with vastly different views. Seems like something she should be praising.
Democrats when there's an existential threat to democracy from a leader who refuses to acknowledge the laws of the country: listen dude, there are rules.
If only there were people elected who could possibly oppose him and his actions.
For whom shall the wheelie roll
Republicans: Teens on ATVs is a bigger deal than school shootings.
This reality sucks
It's becoming clear that this is the primary mandate of the modern Republican party.
Guess where I typed this?
For the people who don't poop at work: how do you escape the horrors?
Was this your abuser?
The world is primed for a Sunchips resurgence.
This dude is saying a 200k dual income in NYC is a "rich person"?! www.forbes.com/sites/kylemu...
Yeah, who do you think he's standing over?
Cadbury Cream Egg Factory is my favourite lady
AI founders don't deserve Mo Willems
That's surprising because I just searched for "Jimmy Fallon funny" and in the "top" results had to go back to August 2023 to find something remotely positive (and even that might have been sarcasm)
This is a valid old guy take....I definitely can't hear the tv as well with my glasses off.
Counterpoint: launch her into the fucking sun.
"Mevada" sounds like an ad pitch from the California Tourism Bureau.
This is interesting because I had no idea there was an organized group behind this until you dumb turds gave them this platform.
When a single person anywhere in the world can take a shit in the street, what do toilets still represent?
Me, thinking about picking up baseball, then seeing the Jays are on a west coast roadtrip: "Well, fuck that"
Don't you mean Tim Apple?
Readying my drone injury lawsuit papers: let's fucking go!
"you use filters in all your videos" is a particularly scathing burn.
I've officially reached "reuse ziplock bags" years old
You better believe it. These songs soundtracked so many drives for us when the kids were infants. youtu.be/i7-riTVhjX0?...
I was thinking about picking up baseball but last week I watched my 13 year old nephew strike out 6 batters over two scoreless innings and I feel like MLB will just be a let down.
I spend way too much time daydreaming about this....it can't be good for me mentally
I fell down the stairs once and still had a pretty good day. Ever since then I've thrown myself down the stairs each morning and fully advocate for daily stair therapy.
Somehow this is way less problematic than what he actually did
Ron doesn't vote but he does love powerful women.
Everyone grieves differently, but it doesn't mean you need to put it on the fucking news.
I'm on an airplane and would pay a million dollars for another tiny cup of coke right now.
bsky.app/profile/lsrg...
It's fucking hilarious that Kev can't get a double double here in Canada so instead he's trying to walk around the US like he's king shit.
