Why paint him as a hero in the first paragraph? What's that got to do with being in a car accident further down the road? Clearly, we are not supposed to ask, "Who was driving the car?" and "Was he drinking and driving?" Usually, a car accident report says if you are the driver or passenger.

I'm intrigued by this portion: "...business partner and medical provider..." So, not loved ones? Does he not have anyone who loves him?

Apparently not anyone who wants to be public known & possibly no one that will lovingly deal with his disgrace and drunkenness.

Obviously lying. He claims he was helping the DV victim and was hit on leaving the scene. But that was southbound and the accident happened northbound.

Very suspicious

His injuries aren’t typical for a rear end collision.

Ah. Please explain?

He had injuries on the left side. You don’t get those from a rear end collision. You get whiplash. Maybe facial injuries.

Thank you. Then what kind of event would cause the injuries he has?

I won’t laugh but no sympathy for a fascist. I also don’t believe the first paragraph.

Sounds like something a teenager would write to explain to his parents where he was last night

Business partner = prostitute

So after he helped take away her rights and benefits, you expect us to believe he stopped to give aid. I think it was more like he didn’t pay and a pimp got mad.

my exact thoughts when I read that utter bullshit. he refused to pay the escort.

I call bullshit about him helping anyone

I always call my business partner when I need someone to oversee my medical care. Also, this story sounds like bullshit.

Totally normal story here.

Unfortunately not severe enough

i would also like to point out for the record that the way they phrased all of this, they're making it sound like dude's got murdered.

Ex mayor.

This would be the same Guilinani who claimed to be "tucking in his shirt" on a bed in front of what proclaimed to be a teenager, despite there being video of the event? Yep, same one? Copy that.

>he was flagged down by a woman Yeah I bet he was

At the brothel?

Lifted her skirt on a street corner aka “flagged down”? Squealed to a stop and was rear ended? Maybe the two stories are related 🤷‍♀️

Good one

Good one! Makes most sense!!🤗

Hey, he was just TUCKING IN HIS SHIRT, OK?!?!?!

Hahahahahaha!

I just spat some iced tea across the room 😂

👏👏👏

😂

I haven't been flagged down in weeks

She flagged him down and asked if he liked to party.

Gotta wonder the real story here

Thots and Pears

Nightmare on NH Highway

New York City is never beating the allegations that we have had weird mayors over the years.

🤣🤣🤣🤣🤣🤣🤣🤣🤣🤣 This guy is more of e legitimate Mayor than Dime Store Nosferatu is!!! 🤣🤣🤣🤣🤣🤣🤣🤣🤣

Well, it's not the right asshole who dragged us into fascism, but it's a start.

Thoughts and prayers?

It’s a start

My heart goes out to him and his family and friends. I hope he survives with no long-lasting problems. If he does end up dying, I hope he rests in peace.

... what the fuck?

What a strange statement

what kind of car was it, and how much will it cost to replace?

I read that as "No family member cared enough about the old ghoul to rush to his bedside."

The 'no good deed goes unpunished' victim story.

He definitely did NOT drunkenly fall on his face leaving his engagement

@apnews.com someone start digging and get confirmation about highway patrol after a 911 call made by Rudy w/ regard to a women flagging him down & police showing up at that scene.

No mention of a damsel in distress. There is more to this story as Rudy assaults damsels he doesn't rescue them.

A guy from Michigan was driving a guy from New York City somewhere in New Hampshire?

He was in the back of a ford bronco? Was it white?

My guess is that Ford was making an illegal u-turn, not paying attention and got hit by the Honda. If I had to guess

Wait, he has a security detail? This is so weird from start to end. What does rendering aid to someone have to do with the later accident? and where was the security detail if Rudy had to call 911? Bizarre

I'm intrigued by this portion: "...business partner and medical provider..." So, not loved ones? Does he not have anyone who loves him?

His kids have disowned him since he became poor... probably. I mean, that's all those kinds of people care about. Personal wealth. If you're not going to inherit anything, why bother maintaining a relationship.

This all makes perfect sense. No questions here.

I see most media outlets are reporting the hero bs as gospel. Reuters reported the verifiable facts.

Yeah, believe there was an accident. Don’t believe, AT ALL, that it went down anything like this.

It's all coming together

is the woman ok?

This is weird

He's just weird

Why do I have the feeling this will end up being everything the right thought and hoped the Paul Pelosi incident would be…?

The first part was bs. Nobody flagged down an old lush

It’s a cover to deflect from A DUI.

No doubt

And soliciting prostitution I'm sure

www.nhsp.dos.nh.gov/news-and-med...

Mayor Giuliani?

Is the MAGA fuckface dead yet?? 😎🤞

Can someone please tell the useless ignorant bigoted pendejo that he has NOT been the mayor of New York City since 2001. Useless pendejo! #NewYork #FuckTheGOP #Epstein

Shouldn't that official press statement read disgraced Mayor Giuliani?

Disgraced bankrupt former Mayor, disbarred lawyer and reality show contestant

This could have been avoided if he was a jail where he belongs

Hopefully no human beings were hurt in this accident.

💯

bsky.app/profile/hele...

So he tried to take off without paying the hooker because he’s broke and her pimp ran him off the road?

That reads as entirely plausible

Ding ding ding ding! 🎯

Ding ding ding ding ding! No more calls, we have a winner!

Well, he was hit by a 19-year-old woman, so... We love to see young women making waves in management roles in a male-dominated industry 💅

“Pimp” has all kinds of unsavory connotations. Please use the gender-neutral “Cootch Evangelist” henceforth.

Could be!

D*ck and dash

That’s where my thoughts went, too. He was in a rental Bronco. Probably trying to fly under the radar.

New Hampshire pimp?

This seems most likely

Yeah, we're gonna find out there was a whole lot more to this story. Nobody has that much unconnected drama in one ride.

I’m going to miss him when he dies, presumably later today

So they’re calling that “rendering assistance” now. Interesting 🤔

that first paragraph is a lie no doubt and serves no purpose in this message so wtf is it here for lol

Pursuit of Happiness chorus kicks in

FWIW here is the NH State police account. Rudy had no involvement in the domestic violence incident. www.nhsp.dos.nh.gov/news-and-med...

So, here's my take based on the police report: Rudy ordered his driver to slow down to engage in some "rubber necking" of the troopers addressing the domestic violence incident. The driver behind failed to respond quickly enough to the sudden slow down and rammed into Giuliani's car.

The woman in the first paragraph is a prostitute, right?

Who else?

I was also thinking some GOP operative who lives in like Bedford and has been having a fling with him since his presidential run... and husband finally found out.

Soon to be a major motion Netflix jawn. 😈

There's something vaguely Coen Brothers about it all...

I mean if he did render assistance like this said, good on him. But there’s many red flags here: of all the people she flagged down, it was guiliani? By himself? In New Hampshire? Why does his business partner matter? This is so weird.

Wtf is that statement?

Cover

Sounds like his PR team is trying to pretend he wasn't drunk and soliciting a prostitute

Oh my.

I'm intrigued by this portion: "...business partner and medical provider..." So, no loved ones? Does he not have anyone who loves him?

The combination sounds more like a euphenism for 'drug dealer'.

Sounds like her pimp rammed his vehicle due to lack of payment.

I dunno, sounds like his PR team was drunk too.

Probably the only way to do that job.

That's a possibility

The folks over at Four Seasons Total Landscaping send their well wishes.

I don't believe for one second that Giuliani would pull over to help a woman unless she was waving her titties at him! I call bullshit.

Is this like the Eddie Murphy incident"giving a ride" to a trans sex worker he "thought was in trouble"?🤔

(and, btw I am not judging any sex workers- just these DL, lying men🥴)

100%

Centre justification seems fit for a town cryer announcement

I do not believe the DV scenario one bit.

Statement provides oddly specific (and perhaps confidential) information about the person he stopped to 'help'. Translation: Giuliani stopped to pick up who he believed might be a sex worker on the side of the highway and in the process his vehicle was struck from behind

So he was rear ended while preparing to rear end someone? But this makes an assumption ... that the machinery actually worked. I use the past tense, because if he's now a paraplegic, it's unlikely to work going forward.

👍

They can’t help lying, can they?

Thoracic vertebrae? I knew that dude was an insect

I read jurassic vertebrae and thought rude but accurate.

He do got that jurassic thorax

Mayor? Is he mayor again? Of which city/commune?

I hear there’s an opening in Dis, although the competition is fierce …

That statement is raising a few questions on account of tripping my “bullshit” detector.

He’s not a mayor. Does he think that’s like a lifetime title of nobility?

So! She wasn’t the street prostitute he supposed to have met. Big mistake. She beat the krap out of him for trying to grab her meow.

Womp womp

Booze Boy is at it again!

So either he was drunk driving or the Trump crime family has decided it’s time for loony Rudy to have an accident. Failed this time. Will he be “falling” out of a window next?

What a weird statement. 1. I don't believe the first paragraph. 2. Why was that relative anyhow? 3. Mayor of, what? Exactly? 🤣 4. What does he need protection from? Himself? 5. I'm guessing his security team doesn't include a PR guy. 🤔 6. I still don't believe the first paragraph. 🤥

Executive protection trains Security officer never to stop for a random incident to "render aid" . Attack plans as a ruse to access the Protectee, ie. Fake damsel in distress basic to waylay Principal's vehicle. Actual Security driver would NOT stop, even if Protectee demanded.

Thank you for making such an excellent point!

Wouldn’t it be former mayor ? He’s not been mayor in forever.

what? you don't bring up some random ass shit before you explain that you were in a car accident?

I guess I've been going about my announcements all wrong for the past 4 decades. Shoot. Next time, I'll remember to bring a cool story about how I saved a bull moose in rut from an oncoming tractor trailer 3 months ago.

I’m sure every word of this is real. Such an upstanding citizen.

So he pulled over to let a hooker out the car and got rear ended!?!?

Or in.

He should have added the MAGA thank you for your attention to this matter.

Yeah, that would have added a touch of authenticity.

Thoughts and prayers.

They're Clearly trying to control the narrative of the story, it appears... Did we really need to know he attempted to be a "Good Samaritan"?...

Was he drunk?

At this point it would be news if he wasn't.

Wouldn't it be a safety concern to stop for someone "flagging him down?" 👀

Oh, sure. Ok Batman. Totally not a paid companion situation.

They tying the loose strings 👀

Is there any relevance of the first part of the statement to the actual incident that caused the injuries? If not, what is the point of including it in the report?

They had to explain the injured woman who was not his wife

But, if the police were ensuring her safety, why would she be riding in Giuliani’s car? It seems that they would have arranged transportation for her. Unless the first part of the statement was bullshit, which seems extremely plausible.

Police report says he was the passenger.

Wait! He has a wife?

No idea, I haven't watched the Penguin show on HBO yet

🍿

Couldn't happen to a more deserving fellow. Well, okay, there are a few others. But this is a good start.

greg abbott housekeeping tips in voicemail?

DUI?

If the bit about helping the woman on the side of the road is even true, it sounds as if his car was hit later, while “traveling on the highway.” So, why add it?

Epstein related ? Russians protecting Trump ;

Hmmmmm 🤔 There has been *quite* a rash of mysterious deaths of “loose ends” recently. Quite in line with the deaths of loose ends for Führer over the decades: Helicopter crashes Car crashes “Suicides” “Heart attacks” (Novichok) Stairs This IS his Prince Goon Squad’s MO 🤷‍♀️

Thoughts & Prayers 🤣

Thank you for your service.

He's a lawyer & is trying to present his case. But...

Something happened after too many cocktails involving a young woman and an angry man. Giuliani was injured and cops were kept away from him.

This story stinks on ice…I think the old bastard was drunk.

Giuliani rendering assistance sounds as unlikely as the rest of it.

Did he quickly exit the passenger side of the car, slide over the hood, and dash across speeding traffic to assist her? 🙄

Well no good deed goes unpunished. Jk Karma just caught up to him apparently with speed. Those are some pretty nast injuries. Can't say he doesn't deserve them with all the terrible things he's done. Hilarious that they would try to sneak in something like this to make him look good. PR stunt 100%

"Laura Bush killed a guy" ass statement

there’s a LOT going on there. what the fuck?

alt text is for describing the image ie sharing the text from it. not to say your tweet a second time.

Getting in the way of all those prayers headed the president’s way no doubt.

okay so totally unrelated puff? self admittedly unrelated wtf

Why do I feel like this is all bullshit and he threw a hooker out of the car, who called her pimp who tried to take Giuliani out???

Plausible. Fits the fact pattern well. Much better than, "Rudy the hero, helps poor abused victim then an unrelated car accident" deus ex machina bs. Are we in an Aronofsky film, New Hampshire?

www.nhsp.dos.nh.gov/news-and-med... Crashed nearby, the driver who hit Giuliani is a 19 year old woman, unlikely to be anybody's pimp. Giuliani was not mentioned at the scene of the domestic violence incident. Giuliani was also not driving the car.

Just another garbled news report. Thanks for clearing that up.

www.nhsp.dos.nh.gov/news-and-med... Don't know why the link got eaten in the previous comment.

after he beat her up, hence the "domestic violence" language

Or after she beat him up.

This is so weird. Doesn’t track. Did Rudy literally “meet with an accident”?

Check if it's on his appointment schedule.

Please 🙏

So sorry for him to have such an accident.

Shouldn't he be in prison somewhere?

Ragusa? Is he the guy with the crooked nose, multiple neck chains and bulge in his jacket

Hahahahahahahaha🚗🚙🚗🚙🚗

SoNew Hampshire state police are lying?

Mayor? Didn’t know he was elected somewhere again!

It'd be pretty cool if both of him and Trump depart together.

If the sex worker wasn’t even in the car during the crash, why did she get a mention? Maybe he was still drunk when he dictated the statement.

Maybe to get ahead of the story with his own narrative.

Pardon me, but who on earth is "Mayor" Guiliani?

Well I came on to say I hope he is OK, but then I read this statement, and I am totally dumbfounded. Who makes announcements like this??

Did he pick up a hooker???

and was rear-ended by the pimp

This seems more plausible

Well, the bizarre statement coming from the security guy makes more sense since a little googling says that Goodman is Giuliani's spokesman and was *also* in the accident.

Way more plausible

So, he was rubber necking

So we need an explanation as to why a younger woman was in the car with Rudy during the accident?

An assistence renderer? Renderee? Half and half?

Yep. That part.

She “flagged him down” for help 🙄

www.youtube.com/watch?v=REpN...

The statement said he stayed at the scene to ensure her safety. There’s nothing written there, or anything that follows logically why a woman who was very distraught and vulnerable, to ride away from the authorities with essentially a stranger? The cops would have just given her a ride.

This seems more plausible

Also, source?

Then why does the official statement say -Following this- and -traveling the highway-? This official release indicates he was done and on his merry way. Doesn’t add up.

This is a wild press release

I wish him a speedy deterioration of general health and well-being

Could they maybe perform an autopsy, just to get a clearer idea about the state of his health?

He's a non story. Obituary is the only news we need of him.

As I recall, his assistant is a nurse! Wish him a speedy recovery!

The thread below this story is the best entertainment I've had all year. Thanks all.

Schadenfreude is not just a river in Germany!

Schadenfreude ist kein Fluss! (Schadenfreude is not a River)

Is there a German word for Germans not having any sense of humor?

In English, the word is ‘German’ #justajokeikidcosilove

🥰

Really dude?

Lmfao

He can afford a spokesperson?

Just read the police statement and... thats not what happened! Its a really weirdly worded statement so I assume it is hiding something that they can argue using semantics.

That's a whole bunch of BS.

I feel like the whole “stopped to render aide for a domestic abuse victim” is cover for “had a prostitute in his car at the time of the accident who was also injured”… like it doesn’t really make sense why they included that in the release.

I’m also now questioning it further… rendering aide could imply some type of physical interaction. Is this to get ahead of something? Is your DNA on this other person and you just lost in some fight? This is weird.

More like Giuliani's car slowed to rubberneck and the teenager in the Honda plowed into him?

Right! It actually raises more questions than if they had just said his car was hit on the freeway.

Rudy likes domestic abuse victims because they are vulnerable to his bullshit. Kept one prisoner as his “assistant” for years. There’s some really disturbing tape.

Can I get an Amen? 🙏🏻

100% sounds like lawyer-speak for covering some really sketchy stuff.

Hospital ER staff

Giuliani isn't broke. He obviously is hiding assets.

Good.

People are seriously injured and killed in car wrecks everyday but because it’s this asshole we feel like it’s got to be spread like soft butter all over our social media feeds. Get better Rudi but then fuck off.

Nothing to see here. . .

This story sounds afoot!!

What was his BAL? this looks like a setup to soften the blow of what the truth will be IMO.

Thoughts and prayers

Extremely weird statement.

I hope in my advanced age I have someone other than a business partner and security detail caring for me. 😬

Right?

came here to say how pitiful it is to have notices given to business partner & hired staff, that is making me more empathetic about the expected next step: obvious nonsense that Scooby Doo & Shaggy would mock as incredible explanations for the crime of driving drunk

She's rumored to be a longtime romantic partner as well, Maria Ryan, so it may not be quite so grim.

I, too, would like my business partner credited before my medical provider

do we know for sure that his business partner and medical provider are not the same person?

The way it was written, I assumed it meant the same person. 🤔

Same here.

Mob etiquette.

Last November this guy was telling a judge he had no money, no car, begging poverty to avoid paying Ruby Freeman and Shay Moss the $146M defamation judgement he owed. Must have crashed a borrowed car.

I wonder, hypothetically, how much he had to drink.

And not just because it is center-justified

Curious to know who else may have been in the car with him. Was he driving alone? Have a driver? Did the impact cause them to hit anything in front of them? Was he wearing a seatbelt? Airbag deployed? Why 1st mention a story about strangers who may have nothing to do with the event? Unless they do?

They forgot the part where he saved a kitten from a burning shed.

It sounds like a preemptive alibi.

“Mayor Giuliani had no idea the woman had COINCIDENTALLY been an intern in his office in 2020.”

Due to the deterioration of his eyesight he was unaware she was the same person he had previously employed. Also, his laptop containing his personal itinerary and email correspondence was in the car, and seems to have been ejected by the force of the crash.

Extremely weird man.

Please do not put in the fake newspaper that this is the worst cover story you ever heard

On the one hand, absolutely on the other hand do we really think he drives himself? Particularly if he has accompanying Security?

Indeed.

sometimes, the chaos afflicts villains

Yeah, stinks to high heaven.

Yeah, that first paragraph is entirely extraneous, and really only raises more questions than it answers

Was Giuliano rammed by the domestic violencer? That seems like the only plausible link.

Hookers are the answer.

Can't wait to find out what freaky shit he was getting into that led to this.

yeah, why not just start at Mayor was struck from behind at high speed

I’m guessing he was hit while pulling back onto the road, so they needed a good reason for him to be pulling off that wasn’t ‘had to puke after drinking too much.’

I was thinking the "car accident" might not have been the source of his injuries, but your version also sounds plausible.

Creating a hero complex for him? Will we find out if he was intoxicated?

Why indeed?

I just assume he ran from police and the cops rammed him off the road

Could be, I suppose.

because we want to imply that he was grievously injured while rescuing an innocent woman.

definitely why asking questions answered by the t-shirt problems

But the statement doesn't say that. It says he was injured later after he left the scene and was driving somewhere else.

Hence my use of the word imply.

yes. Which is why it’s extremely weird that he included that first part. Why else would be want to do that except to try and imply they were in some way linked

Probably trying to imply that it was the abuser of the damsel in distress

The pimp of the sex worker he was soliciting or had already met with

Because there's an injured woman and angry man who are going to tell a very different story about the accident and what led to it, so Rudy's trying to get his version out first.

I wanna hear that 911 call he supposedly made. I want to see records and logs and lots of verification.

Odds you hear a woman's voice in the background going "Rudy Giuliani, you son of a bitch!"

the only reason to mention it is because there IS a call, and this is to get out ahead of whatever actually happened.

because he needs to account for that woman's injuries in a way that puts her outside his car and makes him unaware of her line of work.

I hate that I can’t even think of another reason besides “this somehow might help him legally get out of paying in time or money for his past crimes. It’s always a “Chekov’s Random Note” with these weirdos.

Why are these people so bizarre? Not a normal bone in any of them….

Feels like a lie a little kid who hasn’t yet developed a theory of mind made up

Yeah I mean he wouldn't be alive if the events described actually happened

Tbf he was probably heavily drugged at the time, so it's not that surprising if it's a bit incoherent.

bsky.app/profile/silv...

maybe he was hitting on her then the husband rammed his car? who knows

weird on so. many. levels. what the actual fuck

Strong Eddie Murphy “I was just giving her a ride home” vibes

Absolutely not what happened according to NH police. They were responding to a DV incident on the other side of the highway when they saw the crash involving Giuliani.

the only statement authorized

Happy horseshit there.

Shortly after rescuing a kitty from a tree, and running into a burning fire at a convent, pulling 25 nuns out, I was in a vehicular accident.

This. It’s exactly this. However I do wonder if there was a woman & if so, what exactly this statement is trying to cover up. Either way, heroic acts are obvious bullshit.

This is the only statement I have authorized. Ever.

He was attacked by a broken window.

Definitely not a sex worker in the car

most sex workers have technically been domestic violence victims at SOME point in their lives. if not, (yes all men), many times

Funny, but not at all funny www.youtube.com/watch?v=t8SS...

Only he could go out like that.

Borat will visit Rudy in the hospital to collect his sister's payment.

But it doesn't even say there was someone in the car

And he was blackout drunk.

And he definitely wasn't 2.5% BAC

Oh no, who would think such a thing?! 🤣

Is the sex worker ok

Yeah, who the fuck adds something like that to an announcement that they were injured in an *entirely unrelated* car accident!?!?

Giuliani’s incident report also has a similar ring to those “accidents” Russian oligarchs and politicians suffer after falling out of Putin’s favor.

And he definitely wasn't dui.

I hope the accident happened before she had to do anything with that creep. Imagine having to touch that guy and then being in a car accident. That must be a fucking nightmare.

It was the gel. bsky.app/profile/jool...

I literally read his statement and saw him trying to dine and dash on a worker while she's hanging out the window steering him into a tree or something.

This is the winner until Giuliani proves otherwise.

Yeah, why do you even include that detail unless it's going to become important later when the full story/police report comes out...?

So are we going to find out that he was with a woman he didn’t want to be seen with and drove away as the police arrived on scene?

The police report makes it sound like he stopped to rubberneck and got hit....

Yes, possibly! They may have pulled back onto the expressway too slowly for the speed of the traffic. It's so weird that Giuliani's statement makes it sound like he was traveling alone.

I’ll believe it when they release the 911 call.

He’s rendered aid before…

Not very much aid though

The equivalent of “thoughts and prayers” really.

No wonder he crashed, he lay down to shift gears.

Did he stiff the sex worker (hit her and then threatened her) and she called her pimp to collect and Rudy drove off?

That didn't not happen.

need to see the 911 records

I was thinking they didn't say when the domestic violence occurred and sex workers could well be victims of it at some point.

oh my god that's 100% what it is, he was in the accident with someone

(just to be clear I'm mostly joking and waiting for information like everyone else, but the disconnected hero story makes more sense when a much younger woman is around)

And spending more words on the COMPLETLY UNREALATED 911 call than the accident. You can just picture it: Rudy in a car at night saving damsels... He's basically Batman.

To me it sounds like the driver of Rudy's vehicle was stopped on the freeway, then probably pulled out into a lane before picking up speed - or maybe without looking to see if cars were coming. This was the driver btw, Ted Goodman.: www.dailymail.co.uk/news/article...

One of the big red flags in interrogation is when the suspect will describe their day in excruciating details, until they get to the actual important event, and then it's a one sentence "and then this happened".

They left out the part where he helped Timmy and Lassie get that kid out of a well on his way to the car

"...business partner and medical provider..." So, not loved ones?

More like The Penguin

‘immediately rendered assistance’ wtf does this mean in that situation? calling 911, right? so…redundant statement. ok.

He's the penguin at this stage

😂 not who I want to rescue me

So that wasn't actually hair dye that was running down his face that time but more likely was shark repellent or something from his utility belt!

Giuliani rescued a litter of puppies and then an hour later…

Man can't make any statement without mentioning 911

I mean…you’re not wrong. 🙃

"A noun, a verb, and 9/11," one of Biden's sicker burns.

I made that into a limerick about the GOP candidates that year: Well there's Huckabee, anointed by heaven, And McCain, born in 1937? Mitt Romney's a putz, And Ron Paul's just plain nuts, Leaving Rudy: noun, verb, nine-eleven!

Holy shit that made my night

ha ha, good one!!

Haha, that’s great. [earnest clapping]

This is perfection!

lol

Now that is funny 🙌

As Joe Biden said, every Giuliani sentence contains a noun, a verb and 9/11.

asdfghj

Winning post right here

Take a bow sir

Underrated reply.

Winner

😂🤣😂🤣

Did he have to take his pants off to help the abused woman too?

Such an absolute slap in the face to the families go lost loved ones. I, too, survived 9/11. I was in California.

😆

*applause*

youtu.be/JhJxjUxxiAY?...

🤣🤣🤣 Only because, really oligarchs? What the fuck is wrong with you? You could literally be Batman.

"What the fuck is wrong with you" That's a question I ask the mirror everyday.

Picking up a young lady… helping her or picking up a prostitute and having a spokesperson who has to explain why the girl was in the car with him and why he wasn’t wearing his seatbelts?

More like Ratman

Like another cousin of his, best case.

Now I can’t get that scene out of my head of that Sasha Baren Cohen movie he was in. Lol

Right? More likely story is that Gouhliani hired a toothless hooker. She was blowing him when his drunken ass crashed into a tree.

Hilarious 😂

A world according to garp penis accident too.

It was either a sex worker or Rudy was the domestic abuser. If it were a sex worker, you'd have to ask yourself, did they reenact the scene from Garp! They didn't say what bone he broke.

Four Seasons Good Samaritan

It sounds like the beginning of a Colombo episode, or maybe Law and Order, some plot, has yet to unfold.

They left off USA after New Hampshire 🙄 Also why does Rudy need security?

What was he doing with that woman like here in reality-world? Because that is a fucking cover up attempt and a lousy one at that 😁

Yes, weird. I hate to say that I was looking for a punchline. Something is up.

Also, extremely false, according to the report from local authorities. Ghouliani and his band of lunatics… so weird.

Or maybe it’s a perfectly normal statement for a Pervert Emergency.

Feel free to use “Pervert Emergency” in any headline or in America’s Finest Crossword Puzzle in your print edition, Mr. Onion.

I’m not clear on how the two incidents described relate to each other and yet they are presented as if they do.

He’s with a woman. Her husband finds out and threatens her. They drive off and are met by cops. She leaves and when Giuliani is hit by husband who has caught up

That was my thoughts too. Trying to get ahead of the story.

He can afford to hire security? He told the court he couldn't pay the defamation suit because he's poor. They are all such liars.

I also don't understand why it says only Rudy's business partner and medical provider were called to oversee his care, when he has two children.

The first incident explains why there was a prostitute in the car with him when the accident happened.

Gotta portray him as some valiant knight struck down in his prime lol

👇🏻

They can't be. Odd.

Can't wait for his explanation.

Total non sequitur, and utter bullshit.

I'm thinking the spousal abuser was pissed that Rudy interfered, sped after Rudy, and rear-ended his car as retribution.

The much, much, much more likely scenario is that Rudy saw a young lady being helped by state troopers on the opposite side of the highway, hit the brakes at high speed or told the driver to stop, and then got rear ended Trooper's statement made it clear that the accident happened on the other side

Apparently women approach cars for other reasons on the dusty streets of New Hampshire. Things that make you go, hmmm… 🤔

Perhaps we're supposed to infer that the accident was some kind of retaliation for intervening in the domestic violence incident? The whole thing is just weird.

It's a new thing he's doing: Unlikely good Samaritan deed followed by random accident. Next ... he'll lift a burning piano off some babies and the elderly ... followed by ... foul ball to the head! Then ... he'll win a dance-off to save an orphanage ... but later ... SHARK ATTACK!

😂🤣😂

This is how you spin getting rammed by a police cruiser while fleeing a prostitution sting when your fans have consistently demonstrated that they’ll buy literally anything

lol. Yep!

Feels like a fictional encounter meant to distract from his coming from yet another long dinner with drinks.

He probably didn’t pay the prostitute who also probably can say he was high

Any report that does not explain why he wasn’t breathalyzed is probably bullshit.

They wanted to remind you that Rudy's a hero. They even got 9/11 (as 911) in the first graf.

He’s trying to distract from questions about his drunkenness with feigned heroism.

💯

Soliciting a prostitute is my guess about the first part.

Oh my god this is totally it!!

Yup.

Maybe smacking her around too

💯

Really good guess.

Have you no empathy? How come no concern for, you know, the car?

Can it be fixed?!?

yeah....

All this!👏

Definitely the same excuse i used when i was wasted and crashed my dad’s car.

Yes! And as part of an “Official Statement”.

Drunken PR attempt? It does sound like it's missing a lot of...uh, moving parts.

Giuliani “rendering assistance”

Not surprised that they managed to work 9/11 into the statement.

His business partner and medical provider are one and the same. No lie.

Yeah why the weird preamble

Probably fraud attempt. He’s in desperate need for money.

weird how?

I mean, my "business partner" is always showing up to the hospital to oversee my care too. Totally not weird at all.

I think it's referring to the first paragraph, in which the way it is worded seems unrelated to the car crash.

Like, did he pull onto the shoulder of the highway? Render assistance and then got back in the car and didn't check for oncoming traffic before trying to remerge up to speed? The phrasing isn't clear.

Exactly. Also-- how does he have enough money to still have a private medical provider and business partner?

I mean, why wouldn't he authorize any other statements, for one!

The first paragraph has nothing to do with anything and is clearly fabricated.

I like living in a normal country with normal leaders that do normal things

i guess it just seems like a normal thing to come from him; but i guess that’s just more telling of the kind of guy he is

Well known for rendering assistance.

Yes ....Ask Borat...

Standard Red Cross approved first aid- Step one: Unzip pants

Personally if I had a serious medical incident it wouldn't be my business partner acting as next of kin.

The red flag for me is the stopping seems to be unrelated to the accident. It's intimated they are connected occurances, but the actual language tells me they were two discreet events.

Yeah he definitely was involved in the events leading to him "saving the day"

all his statement is missing is the line: “and everyone clapped”

Totally. Feels like they’re going for, “as we all suspected, Mayor Giuliani is essentially Batman. He was struck by evildoers while fleeing the scene of his latest otherwise-anonymous rescue. He sustained serious injuries. Batmobile is undergoing repairs, and its current status is unknown.”

Yep. Has all the stink of "getting ahead of the story."

Fargo shit.

I feel like it was drunk driving and they crafted the entire first part to have us think, “damn, what a good guy.”

youtu.be/3ncYE1fvhtc?...

It’s the Four Seasons Total Landscaping of statements.

Also, the woman was cold, and that's why he had selflessly taken his pants off to give to her before the accident

Yeah. The whole “rendering aid” part seems like an unnecessary detail. So now it has me wondering lol

Laying the foundation for a cover-up of SOMETHING, if you ask me

i doubt he'll get the same treatment that 'Big Ballz' got

His business partner? How is he overseeing his health care? No mention of family. Why mention the first incident unless trying to "prove" that he wasn't drunk driving? 100% weird.

Maybe he was sober but looking for company, thought he hit the jackpot, except when they got out onto the highway she pulls out a weapon, he slams on the brakes, and a car plows into them. Gotta explain who the lady in the car is, avoiding the headline 'Giuliani robbed by streetwalker in car crash'.

Valiant to the end?

Cheating with a married woman.

Did his cousin remarry?

Rudy: "Incest is best, my pal Donald fantasizes about having sex with a very, very young Ivanka." I worked a few blocks from City Hall when Rudy was mayor. A friend used to work in City Hall, he told me Rudy would get BJs there (the woman was rewarded with a high paying city job).

NYPD told Rudy not to put the emergency command center in 7 World Trade Center prior to 9/11 (because the World Trade Center was bombed before). Giuliani put it in 7 WTC anyway and used the command center for trysts with his then mistress, Ms. Nathan. www.nytimes.com/2008/01/26/u...

Possible, but euwww.

Normally a beloved family member would be notified first. Maybe no one in his family (including children) love him.

Very. He "saves" someone then has an accident!? What are they trying to get ahead of

So he sat in his car helping a domestic violence victim. I most certainly would think someone HELPING a victim wouldn’t go sit in car. He probably was intoxicated. He’s an alcoholic.

Trying to figure out what statement part A has to do with statement part B. Are they trying to say that the domestic abuser got mad afterward and rammed the car? 🤔

Me too. It doesn't say whether he was the driver either.

Maybe they're trying to put Rudy in a good light before some horrible additional info surfaces? "Your Honor, I had just left my shift volunteering at the soup kitchen and had helped an old blind woman cross the street, as I do--" "Please skip forward to the part where you kick the dog."

Will the Onion get the scoop on the body cam footage? 📹

The domestic abuse victim:

imagine being a woman running from domestic violence and the car you manage to flag down has Rudy Fucking Giuliani inside it

This could be the plot of a horror movie.

IF TRUE

What are the chances?

"sir! sir! please stop! please! Oh. Um. It's ok man I'll just get the next one"

Perfect cover for Giuliani. As so many of us call for this 'incident' to be proven, he'll say he's protecting her identity and can't release her name. Everyone remember he sued a young man a few years ago for slapping him on the back in a friendly gesture and causing Giuliani "extreme back pain."

This literally made me lol

If that were even possibly true, it would be so tragic.

This is a cruel world, but not that cruel.

Nothing to see here... /sarcasm > fishy as fuck

The last sentence seals it. There's not a single word of this that's true.

My statement is raising questions not really answered by my statement

gonna be one helluva 911 recording.

I’ll say!

His business partner Max Bialystock has been alerted.

Almost like subtle victim blaming. Like when a man blames a woman for him hitting her.

or the woman was a decoy for the people who wanted him dead. Doesn’t sound like an accident, it sounds like a failed hit job.

Sex worker in the car, pretty sure that's the code here.

🎯

Makes me think there’s gonna be a lot of “why wasn’t he wearing pants” this? And “why was his BAC .22” that?

How'd that tree get embedded in his trunk?

Who hasn’t had to call their business partner/medical provider after being hit while driving on the highway after having rendered aid and called 911 for a domestic violence incident you definitely were in no way involved in except for when the woman flagged you down for help…

Giuliani should probably get a tshirt that explains all this

What does the second graf have to do with anything at all?

Were they trying to imply the 2 things were related? Like the DV perp came after him & rammed his car? Were they were going for some kind of innuendo of malevolence?

Explaining why the lady he barely knows has the long history of sex work someone with any reporting skills might someday discover.

Borat had him on a bed trying to unzip, on film, what - a decade ago now? Why else is the character mentioned, we should name her Chekov.

Yeah, until we learn more, I have to go with paid road head gone awry, or run down by pimp after beating and stiffing sex worker.

This doesn't add up.

What does Part One have to do with Part Two of this story? And why does it require reporting at all? Did his hair dye run in the process?

🧐🤨🧐

I may be just a small town private eye, but even I am seeing some stretches on this one.

So… he’s alienated everyone who could be next of kin to the point where his business partner is the only person who will take a call about him? … and why does it matter that he was “rendering aid” before? How is this relevant?

Yeah, definitely a cover story. What kind of aid could he possibly render?

I would say a phone is probably the most useful aid he had, but as with most GOP things, they always include too many details. Their ability to edit to critical points is hampered by their need to either aggrandize or cover up.

Phone call and a ride. Which it sounds like he did. The "flagged down" leaves out a lot of detail.

Except that’s not what New Hampshire is really saying, so… ¯\_(ツ)_/¯

I'm totally surprised by that, I tell you! :-)

He’s busted and in critical condition, and he cannot HELP trying to making someone else’s tragedy about him.

Shots of alcohol from his pocket flask?

Because the guy at the bar getting hammered before the crash was a guy that *looked* like Rudy. It certainly wasn't Rudy, who was busy rendering aid at the time...

No, no. There's no reason to interview bartenders anywhere in the vicinity, Rudy totally was busy as a good Samaritan on the highway. As he does. Look over there! 9/11!!!

Official police report says Giuliani was a passenger.

Wonder if the DV victim was having a fling with Rudy and the violence was the unexpected arrival of the previously unknowing partner.

That would explain a lot 🤔

Well, given that it’s Rudy, we’ll never know the factual truth.

I assumed that the abuser spotted Rudy rendering aid and targeted him in retaliation. But that may be giving everyone concerned too much credit.

I would have thought that only a well-compensated professional would be willing to touch Guiliani.

Likely, but there’s no accounting for taste.

I guess so?! Bleaugh.

You’d think if someone wanted a decrepit octogenarian with a booze problem and a habit of self-aggrandising the local RSA hall has plenty of them.

And then the New Hampshire statement makes it even more confusing. This is incredibly random. Rudy needs to be a hero? Who knows?

Also, I’m wondering, is his business partner and medical provider the same person?

Probably so. Those sick people keep a close knit circle. So secrets won’t get out Speaking of BUSINESS ☺️ Tip $$ / Buy some cool resin art & support a black girl who still dares to dream 💭⬇️💗

I'm intrigued by this portion: "...business partner and medical provider..." So, not loved ones? Does he not have anyone who loves him?

That’s what it reads like to me. There’s a chance that his kids aren’t available for whatever reasons, but Ol’ Rudes there has burnt a LOT of personal bridges in the past few years.

When you are marrying and divorcing your relatives, the bench won’t be deep.

His large son Andrew is out of town on his Homeland Security gig... the FIFA task force

Indeed, though just because Andrew is as Maga as daddy doesn’t mean they’re still on family terms.

Damn. I really hope that if/when I have a medical emergency, I’ll have some people concerned about me for non-employment-related reasons

My question is why does he have/need security? He’s pretty irrelevant at this point.

Clots and Hairs (DNA evidence)

Was he in the Mercedes-Benz he wouldn't hand over to the Georgia poll workers he defamed?

I think it previously belonged to Lauren Bacall and Rudy got to keep it.

Wasn't it John Voight's 1983 LeBaron convertible..? 🤔

That's a 1989!! You can tell by the wood panels!

Are they trying to say her partner went after him? Omg. So weird.

My thoughts exactly! Chased down by an angry partner perhaps

Thoughts

Maybe the injuries are true? 🤞🏻

If Giuliani did help a woman in distress due to DV, that was kind of him. I wish him a speedy recovery from his injuries.

Lol ok

I don't delight in the suffering of others

I hear the jaws of life were used to remove the woman from Rudy's crotch

If his body hygiene matches that of his bottom row of teeth, she's stuck for a different reason.

that first paragraph makes this whole thing just fucking cartoonish

It does, for sure.

www.youtube.com/watch?v=REpN...

I dunno if I should hate the fact when I first heard read this story I thought 'dang they put in something nice before the bad in hopes it makes us feel sorry for this awful person'.

It does, because it begins with the motor vehicle accident. But before that "insert super hero scenario", which may or may not be linked.🤔

IKR? It's like, what does that have to do with anything? In any case, my thoughts and prayers are with him. Except not really.

www.nhsp.dos.nh.gov/news-and-med...

Did the crash occur because of rubbernecking?

Sorry Judas, story via your spokesperson sounds sketchy. Who was driving? 🧐

What the fuck?

I'll sum up: Rudy got a ZJ from a prostitute and was rear ended.

😂😂😂

Did the woman have "tears in her eyes", Rudy?

My “not involved in a DUI with a sex worker in my car” T-shirt has people asking a lot of questions already answered by my shirt.

Four Seasons Total Embarrassment

After the accident, he was rushed to Massachusetts General Total Landscaping, where Heroin McBrainworms was waiting to check on his mitochondria.

So, is the other car alright?

Mayor of what now?

I’m still trying to figure out what the random “rendering aid” story has to do with anything. Oh well…tots and pears. And thank you, Karma.

Not the Merc noooo 😭😭😭😭

"On tonight's episode of Who Cares............." !!!!

A Four Seasons Lawncare truck rear-ended him, I bet

Four Seasons Landscaping sends thoughts and prayers.

What's the over/under on his BAC? I'm going with 0.24.

Wtaf. That whole first paragraph is raising questions for me.

A lot of families have suffered at he hands of Giuliani's pals... Forgive me for not having any emotions for this sycophant.

Guiliani probably ran the girl over and used the domestic violence story as an excuse

My condolences to his family for this great injustice (he lived)

Strange... Sounds made-up...

Exactly. waaaaayyyy too much information = lies / coverup 'rendering aid' - give me a fucking break this whole thing stinks like trumps golf cart seat...

thank god for comic relief.

Things that aren’t true for $1000, Alex

Karma is undefeated.

Sadly, not severe enough.

That first part is definitely a lie. All the MAGA folks have to make up some story of their bravery and heroics anytime they end up beat up.

#karma

Did they even try to contact his family members, or was a business partner the only one who responded?

This is so sloppy and bizarre. Good grief. 🤣🤣🤣