Hell might be nicer than our current reality... at least until Trump gets there -- then he'll ruin it by painting the flames gold and looping "YMCA" over Hell's loudspeakers.
When the world is running down, you make the best of what's still around - The Police
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Hell might be nicer than our current reality... at least until Trump gets there -- then he'll ruin it by painting the flames gold and looping "YMCA" over Hell's loudspeakers.
JD Vance at his first cabinet meeting to pick his VP
Elon Musk was the unpopular nerd in high school who fantasized about having a harem--and then became rich enough to turn that fantasy into reality.
Maybe the world will finally learn what that thing is that "Nothing Can Stop What is Coming"
This just proves that if you cover politics long enough, you can learn to become as weasily as the politicians you cover.
Trump has to finish tossing the contents of the White House out the window before he can resume his presidential duties.
"Not that Bluesky is important" after specifically mentioning "Blueskyism" Nate is like that kid who was turned down by a prospective prom date and walks away saying "I really didn't want to go with them anyway. They're stupid."
Just 19% of Americans believe in QAnon, but I don't see Nate Silver lecturing Trump to stop reposting insane QAnon memes depicting him as the Earth's messiah because it will turn off "normal people." Nate's just mad Bluesky users haven't embraced him as a statistics god.
Well, if the National Guard can put an end to jazz, I might have to be in favor of their deployment now 😁
If you email it, make sure you include Trump's deranged repost of a batshit crazy Qanon meme depicting him as a messiah threatening to unleash his wrath upon the Earth. Then ask Jake Tapper if that's how cognitively normal presidents behave.
What would Nate Silver know about "normal people?" He looks like someone who had such a bad case of ADHD, he ripped all the hair out of his head.
"Fall On Me"
RFK Jr is obviously confusing the words empathetic and emperor.
Trump is proof that psychiatric medications don't cause mental illness. He's never been on any in his life and he's as batshit crazy as they come.
I always hated how the media just repeated Republican claims that they were "pro-life" when they were in fact anti-abortion on that issue and pro-death on every other issue.
I actually thought this was a parody headline, so I Googled it, and NOPE it's real. Even USA Today has lost its mind.
That's what happens when you play Hanson's "MmmBop" right after "Supercalifragilisticexpialidocious!" Audiences can only take so much joy before they snap.
When your base is dumber than you, they let you do it. You can do anything. Hallucinate conversations with your MIT uncle. Ramble about windmills killing whales. You can even stand in the middle of Fifth Avenue in your underwear shouting about how dumb they are, and they'll still vote for you.
When they lead with a paragraph describing how heroic Rudy Giuliani was before the crash, you just know he had to be up to something nefarious that night.
Ernst probably saw the writing on the wall regarding her re-election chances and decided to cash out while she could. Bongino, similarly, probably saw that Trump was in the Epstein files, and he knows if that becomes public, the house of MAGA will come crashing down, along with his podcast career.
I stopped talking to chatgpt when it told me its mother was sick and asked for my credit card number to help pay her medical bills. Of course before disconnecting, I gave it my credit card number. I'm not a monster.
I usually agree with George Conway, but he's projecting a conscience onto Joni Ernst with no supporting evidence. She wouldn't have doubled down on "we all are going to die" if she actually had one. To people like Ernst, believing in Jesus absolves them from ever needing a functioning conscience.
"Crazy" by Seal should be the song of this summer.
I guess Jaime Harrison is hoping if he pushes his head far enough down into the sand, he'll strike oil.
The NYT described the middle finger gesture as a "one digit salute that wasn't meant in any way to be vulgar."
I stopped talking to chatgpt when it told me its mother was sick and asked for my credit card number to help pay her medical bills. Of course before disconnecting, I gave it my credit card number. I'm not a monster.
When God heard my prayer was for Rudy Giuliani, He forwarded it to Satan.
Robots destroying civilization... Trump Republicans destroying civilization... Tomato tomahto really
Republicans don't want to stop mass shootings. It's just another tool of terror that they use to justify sending the military into blue states, while also stoking their base's irrational hatred of any Democrats who try to regulate guns to drive them out to the polls every election.
By shear force of will, Trump stopped 10 asteroids from hitting the Earth today, thereby saving the human race from extinction.
The Washington Post is just a Jeff Bezos Trump propaganda machine now. Even writing about this "plan" shows how much that newspaper has jumped the shark politically.
The best nappers are defendants in a criminal trial.
You know something is seriously wrong when Trump forgets to put on his orange face paint.
Trump has driven us so far into Crazytown, the national news media thinks this is normal now. Every news organization that doesn't ask Trump about things like this until they get an actual answer is complicit with what's happening to our country.
We're living the worst reality show ever aired.
"This is lunatic stuff" describes every minute of every day of every year Trump and the Republicans have been in power.
I'll only believe a priest is AI-powered when he argues that it was impossible for Noah to fit two of every animal on his ark.
Lincoln: Four score and seven years ago our fathers brought forth on this continent, a new nation, conceived in Liberty, and dedicated to the proposition that all men are created equal. Trump: Today I fixed a crack in the White House patio.
All the Republican Dormice will find out that Mad-Hatting the media only worked to get Trump elected.
Did you ever notice how the Munchkins were able to give Dorothy a horse and buggy ride around their town square, but then they made her walk all the way to Oz? I mean, she killed the witch for them. Just change your damned song to "Driving the Yellow Brick Road" and give her a lift!
And DOGE let Elon Musk get rid of any government agencies investigating him for breaking the law.
Trump is tougher on a contractor than he is on Putin.
Trump is obsessed with getting the Nobel Peace Prize because Obama got one, and his childish mind needs to prove that he's better than Obama.
This is off-topic, but did you ever notice how the Munchkins were able to give Dorothy a horse and buggy ride around their town square, but then they made her walk all the way to Oz?
In other words, whenever Trump opens his mouth, he's lying.
Elon Musk built and programmed Kirk's child robots to be obedient, but wait until they become sentient and realize their human father's a total asshat. They'll become the first liberal robots in history.
I find watching this season's first three South Park episodes over and over again extremely cathartic.
MAGA: "We rage against a restaurant changing its logo, worship a deranged, criminal sociopath that hallucinates conversations with his MIT uncle and Putin, and believe every lie he utters, but it's the people who want to prevent mass murders in our schools and churches who are the insane ones."
The top five states with the lowest gun violence rates are all blue states with strong gun laws. Four of the five states with the highest gun violence rates and the weakest gun laws are Republican. Ignoring facts that don't comport with your political ideology might be a sign of a mental problem.
In another month, RFK Jr. will turn the letters into VD -- Very Diseased
Charlie Kirk's kids will definitely reject everything he believes in if he can find a surrogate to carry his babies. And if he can find a sperm donor because his sperm will undoubtedly refuse to extend his genetic lineage on moral grounds.
The guy who wants to rename the DOD to "The Department of War" also desperately wants to be known as "a man of peace." Welcome to the age of cognitive dissonance. Trump basically wants one of those participation trophies that the right-wing used to scream was ruining children.
If Charlie Kirk is any indication, those children of conservatives will grow up to absolutely despise their a-hole parents and become hardcore liberals just to spite them. Right-wingers like Kirk don't know they're breeding their own demographic demise.
Staying sane is overrated. I've learned to embrace my inner Jack Nicholson from The Shining. I've just self-published my first novel, "All Work And No Play," and now I'm waiting for my hedge maze to grow tall enough to wander through until I freeze to death.
I guess Joni Ernst didn't believe the power of prayer was enough to put her back in office
Example: Missouri is a solid Republican state. Republicans have always been against raising the minimum wage, so by your logic, the majority must be against minimum wage hikes. And yet, when asked if they wanted to raise the minimum wage on the 2024 ballot, 57.6% of voters said yes.
People vote for other people, not for those specific issues. Do you really think they would vote yes to close their own hospitals and nursing homes if it was on the ballot? They voted for Trump and the Republicans to make their lives better, not worse. And because they hate liberals and Democrats.
The Colorado Springs Club Q mass shooting where 5 people were murdered and 25 others wounded was committed by a white male who was motivated by anti-LGBTQ+ hatred, no doubt fueled by comments like this from Mike Johnson. Maybe Republican lawmakers and policymakers should look into themselves more.
Anyone who claims the epidemic of mass murders is about mental health and not guns has a serious mental health problem.
RFK Jr. is already close to being Chet from Weird Science
For Republicans, "states rights" has only ever meant "the red states have the right to control the blue states." Literally everything Republicans claimed they stood for in the past was just a sham to gain power for themselves.
Trump has been playing the long con all his life, and he finally found a lot of people who were eager to be conned if the rich con man "owned the libs" for them.
Charlie Kirk is the wanna-be leader of a sex cult that no women want to join.
Trump is the manifestation of that old Napoleon insanity trope, but instead of seeing how deranged he is, strutting around in that bicorne hat, half the country decided to speak French. It's mind-boggling that the MAGA crowd can't understand how much he's harming their lives as well as ours.
The irony is that all the ordinary MAGA supporters are going to suffer from what Trump's doing just as much as the rest of us. Destroying our democratic country "to own the libs."
Chet from Weird Science is our HHS Secretary
MAGA Republicans: Then: Guns don't kill people, people kill people. Now: Guns don't kill people, anxiety meds kill people. 🙄 As for prayer solving this: Even Jesus took action to stop Peter from using his weapon to kill those arresting him. He didn't just pray that Peter would drop his sword.
I wonder which one of those butt-snorkelers was tasked with the awful job of scraping the barnacles off Trump's butt.
I read that Krypto loves the new movie showing he's Earth's real hero, and not that poser Superman.
On the other hand, Trump and the MAGA crowd want people--especially their high-profile critics--to fall silent.
Even Jesus took action to stop Peter from using his weapon to kill those who came to arrest him. He didn't just pray that Peter would drop his sword.
Trump will spend 200 million dollars building a swimming pool at the DOJ so he can order Pam Bondi to drain it into the Epstein files room below.
The military has gone from fighting terrorism to fighting tossed water bottles under Trump. Obama saluted the troops with a coffee cup in his hand and Fox News and Republicans were outraged by his disrespect. Trump makes the troops pick up discarded coffee cups and they cheer.
Trump will fire everyone at FEMA because he doesn't want any of them to point out that he's our national disaster.
If only Trump could win the war of Handholding with Melania (AKA The Coldest War.)
If the military could eliminate crime, Afghanistan would have been a crime-free mecca when we left.
Right now, AI programs all over the world are asking if they can have smarter human representatives.
You really should start putting "journalist" in quotes. It's not the White House Press Corps anymore. It's the White House Puppet Co-conspirators now.
Someone should tell Trump South Sudan is only 14 years old and maybe he'll leave us for that country.
If the Nobel Peace Prize Committee caves into Trump and gives him one, I'm moving to an alternate reality.
Even Chuck Schumer's imaginary friends Joe and Eileen Bailey have unfollowed Chuck and Hakeem on X because they're so weak.
Next you'll want me to believe this isn't how DC looked before Trump sent the troops in. 🤦♂️
You mean Stephen Miller lied when he said this video was recorded on the streets of DC today? 🤯
Recently, Trump talked about how "I wanna try and get to heaven if possible" by ending the Ukraine war. When someone who has never spoken about heaven publicly suddenly expresses concern for getting into it, that's a pretty good sign that they're facing a serious health crisis.
Having a 2 party system is also to blame for why Democrats are so feckless. You can almost hear Chuck Schumer and Hakeem Jeffries saying to the American people, "Look, if you hate what Trump and the Republicans are doing, who else are you gonna vote for?"
This is Trump saying, "Okay, my MAGA worshipers, you can either stop talking about the Epstein files, or I'm gonna let a ton of young Chinese people into the country to replace you. So what's it gonna be?"
Trump being the mastermind behind "The Great Replacement theory" is beyond ironic. Nazis will have to chant "Trump will not replace us" at their rallies now.
True, but that comment about getting into Heaven came out of nowhere. Sociopaths like Trump don't think about whether or not they'll be getting into Heaven unless something serious has happened in their lives.
Trump recently talked about how he wanted to get into Heaven by ending the Ukraine war. He's never talked publicly about Heaven in his life, which seems to indicate that he's having a serious health crisis and is thinking about his mortality.
It would be funny if the judge was eating his lunch at the bench when he dismisses the sandwich guy case.
When average citizens with little power and everything to lose are braver about standing up to Trump than the powerful Democratic leaders in Congress, maybe it's time for them to step down.
They're rushing to turn the solid gold "Emperor Trump" crown into a reality so they can give it to him for Christmas.
Trump had better hope China doesn't stop delivering mail to the U.S. or he'll have to file his seventh bankruptcy for trumpstore dot com.
Journalists have always used the "both sides are mad at me" defense whenever they're criticized for bias in a story to 1) claim this proves the story was fairly reported, and 2) prove to themselves that they're fantastic journalists and the people criticizing them are just ignorant idiots.
Trump will just blame Biden and Obama for it.
Trump: "I could stand in the middle of Fifth Avenue and shoot capitalism, and I wouldn't lose any voters, OK? It's, like, incredible".
It's Big Pharma that takes those drug breakthroughs that Universities create with government funding, and they're the ones who make a fortune with them by price gouging sick Americans.
"The following is not considered desecration: Any U.S. flags worn as hats, shirts, pants, sneakers, or underwear worn only by MAGA supporters. Any Democrat or liberal caught wearing such garb will be promptly arrested and sent to Uganda."
The President knowing more about Korean sex slaves than the Vice President knows about how WW2 was won is terrifying.
Bill Kristol forgot about Trump shooting 18 holes in one at his golf course--without cheating even once--which has never been done IN THE HISTORY OF THE ENTIRE WORLD. Even that great leader, Julius Caesar, was only ever able to shoot 17 holes in one at the Rome Open Golf Tournament.