¿Porque no los dos? Amaranth Carrot sounds mysterious.
Former mathletic superstar and gifted child. Current schmuck. Agronomist and aspiring author. Views expressed are my own...and possibly of other people who agree with those expressed views.
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¿Porque no los dos? Amaranth Carrot sounds mysterious.
Is this before or after you ate it?
I know he's 79, but good night before 7? I'm crossing my fingers so hard, they're in pain.
What was Moshe thinking when he named his son?
I'm an atheist, but my lineage is German Catholic so I'm not allowed to say I'm not Catholic. That means my name is now Ramon. I accept.
I'm wheezing.
I dreamed a dream of bread gone by...
I miss normal language. It's going extinct because now everybody is splishing their splosh on a wonky doonesbury.
Phillips, holding a flaming toaster: "Sourdough will not replace us!"
Remember when people had opinions and kept them in their heads? Those were the days.
What if she was turned into a pillar of pregnant spiders?
And I thought the same thing until I saw this post.
He sprained his wrist trying to put a VHS copy of Lois and Clark in the player.
A brain worm says what?
Nothing makes sense anymore.
Are we having a bronies breakdown? Because I'm not a bronie, but I have a four-year-old daughter. I know way too much about it.
I pay someone to poop for me. A surrogate pooper is essential for a well-balanced life.
Fighting against this Friedmanesque economy and social structure is tiring.
Kirk: "Damnit, our breedlings keep coming out gay and Democratic Socialists!"
...the fuck?
kanye_georgebushdoesn'tcareaboutblackpeople_2025remix.mp3
She would like to speak to your manager.
I made this comic 15 years ago, but it's sadly still relevant.
Maybe we should hear him out. If we give Trump voting by mail, he probably won't invade Czechoslovakia.
"I can't believe I was fooled by a guy who acted exactly like he said he would." - Bill Cassidy
Pfft, he probably sleeps in a bed at home with his loving wife instead of on a cot in the back of a brick building that used to be a Woolworth's. Grinding to a halt is more like it!
Oh, so you hate recording for the Internet now?! *generic whataboutism*
I don't feel self-conscious, now that I use Thabgex, the newest AI-NFT paradigm upchannel app for Forbie dev mods. And you can, too, by using the promo code: Chibichibidoozee at checkout.
See kids, it's easy to stand up to fascism.
*sighing heavily as I put down my dictionary and take off my reading glasses* "That is not what I meant. Are you even a member of this club?" *frustrated* "Where IS that doorman?"
Who exactly are the "appropriate people" to check on whether or not all members of a minority group can be labeled as terrorists because of something one person did?
Teaching my students about AI by stealing your idea and representing it as my own.
*looking down so I can glare at you above my spectacles* So you've never heard of the Battle of Kosovo in 1389? Hmm, interesting. *goes back to reading the dictionary*
Boy, this documentary about Mussolini sounds mighty familiar...
My first apartment was in a house owned by a couple. They fumigated, but didn't clean up afterward. I had hundreds of bug carcasses in my room. The bathroom had mounds of dead ants. And it stayed that way, even when all of the tenants complained.
'Mom-and-Pop Thrill Kill Cult' started out as a simple murder in Momma Betty's kitchen, but has expanded since 1954 to include seven slaughterhouse locations, hacheting up to 75 people a day.
"The men and women producing this bounty weren't seeing many of the benefits." - The Gilded Age That sure sounds familiar.
*daubs the square marked 'paradigm'* "Bingo!"
I just heard Sean Hannity say, "I do declare!" before fainting onto a lounge chair.
Seriously, please stop being right about everything. I'm begging you.
Someone in 1995: "Say what now?"
ChatGPT, on a call to 911: "Yes, they sent me an NFT of a Subway sandwich. Come quickly."
Before or after handling the roadkill?
The National Guard is picking up trash, the firefighters are being arrested. What's next in this inescapable pit of despair?
All humans should carry luggage with them at all times. The only books that should exist are by Malcolm Gladwell and Oprah. All food should be overpriced and provided by sullen employees.
School Safety Expert in an Alternate Universe Where Things Make Sense: "Let's do something about the guns. I mean, duh?"
We are not ready for the next Covid.
Officer pummeling the sandwich with a nightstick: "Stop resisting!"
"If every bank account holder sued the robbers, the robbers would go bankrupt!"
Jesus: "I got tired of St. Jude's stealing them, so I had to find another way."
This comes to mind.
The last time I checked, taking someone who has not been convicted of a crime to a foreign country against their will is called human trafficking.
Dear god in heaven, the Hot light just turned on! Everyone get ready, this is what we trained for!
We still love your rye humor.
Reporter, to a Mafia hitman: You killed 20 people. How could you do it? Reporter, to a Marine sniper: Thank you for your service.
National Guardeners
Ron Howard voiceover: "...arrested development."
Making them wear high-visibility vests over camo is such a good joke you couldn’t write it
- God created everything. - Adam and Eve wore co-ed naked shirts to hide themselves. - George Washington created America. - Jesus created the NFL. End of history lesson. Thank you for subscribing to PragerU.
I was told today that I revel in the pain of others because I enjoyed watching a racist douchebag get knocked out by a guy he was spitting racial slurs at. Well, call me Schadenfreude and slap my mama, cuz I can't deny it.
Are we making America 2002 again?
A totally normal thing said by sane non-dictators.
When John Yoo said that George W. Bush had sweeping executive authority, I thought, "What you're inadvertently saying is that every subsequent president also has those powers."
Wave your hands in the air, and wave 'em like you shouldn't have dared...
Not the best quality screenshot, but I like it.
Wacky wild inflatable arm flailing racist!
Every attempt at goading him with nothing but words had to make this guy know he was about to kick some racist ass. "I'm about to take my jacket off cuz I'm bored of this dialogue."
Trump: "So you wanna go back to my place?" Girl: "Um, I'm 13." Trump, moving closer: "Yeah?"
We just need one to fire while it's in a holster.
An executive order is not a law. An executive order is not a law. An executive order is not a law. An executive order is not a law. An executive order is not a law.
"Captain EO" now stands for "Captain Executive Order."
Ain't no big city lefty commie gonna tell me I can't put water in a pot! I got lots of pots and a stove and everything.
I didn't turn on notifications. This gem just dropped into my lap. *chef's kiss*
"Trump has an incurable disease." Stop flirting with us, Doctor. *blushes*
Snoop went from "Gin and Juice" to "Would You Like Some Cheese with that Whine?"
Adams just wants the 46.5 billion won from his friends that bet on who would kill each other in the Zquid Games.
Are you saying that I can't trust "Real Raw News?" What is the world coming to?
If this administration's method of keeping illegal immigration at a standstill is by making this place uninteresting to foreigners, well...congratulations? I guess?
This is an oasis of hilarity in a sea of absurdity, but the water is acrid.
I, Thomas Chatterton Williams, am a genius. Nobody has called me that except myself, but since I'm the only person that matters, this must be true. If someone disagrees with my self-assessment of stupifying genius, they must be NPCs. Thus, I am a genius. Please buy my book.
I am begging you to stop being right. Your prescience is disturbing.
Jesus, looking down at Byron Donald in a Cracker Barrel parking lot: "I'm not doing it, dad. I'm not going back."
I'm 45 years old and 60 pounds overweight, but there's no way it would take me more than 18 minutes to go a mile. That's a ridiculous challenge to give people who are expected to chase a suspect at any moment.
If ever there was a need for Yakety Sax, this is it.
Has anyone checked his lair for a bikini-clad Princess chained to his bed?
Wayfair AT&T Ford, if you're stock-minded.
Wheaties Target Facebook, Ken?
I'm currently eating Lifesavers gummies by chewing the edges off little by little, then biting the middles in half. I also do this with most crackers. I've never been diagnosed, but I know what I am.
DSM VI. Autism, signs of. Causes, genetics, Canadian Bluesky User.
I've been calling myself a liberal for decades, but I realize that is not the correct term any more. I am a leftist.
It's only a huge loss for Trump if somebody DOES something about it. And that is not likely because he owns the entire apparatus.
"I asked Jesus to come into me in the Cracker Barrel parking lot."
Kilmeade: *sweating* "Yeah they are."
She only has 6x12 points on you. What is that, 4?
Easy to say when you know they're not raiding your house.
"We shall fight on the parking lot, we shall fight on the porches, we shall fight in the rocking chairs and in the gift shop, we shall fight with that little triangle peg game; we shall never surrender."
Puss in Combat Boots