I thought that cave gig looked a great venue but yeah most of my favourite songs of theirs are his. i get that they're honouring his absence but I do feel a bit "really...?" about their continuing tbh
Illustrator & cartoonist | Guardian & Prospect (full scripts in alt text) | graphic novels | children’s books | WFC | My stuff: https://linktr.ee/stephencollinsart
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I thought that cave gig looked a great venue but yeah most of my favourite songs of theirs are his. i get that they're honouring his absence but I do feel a bit "really...?" about their continuing tbh
Yeah I read it back and was like oh no that sounds wrong 😂
SP: And some nice smug copy for my lifestyle blog! [Show SP typing on a laptop the title: ‘Giving The Gift Of Boredom’] CHILD: This boredom has enriched me so, Daddy! SP: I’m having that [Taps on laptop] [ends]
SP: In our house, the children enrich their inner lives by making dens in the woods, performing self-penned plays and rolling picturesquely down verdant hills SP: Thus providing a shit-tonne of great Instagram content for me… [He’s snapping them with his phone]
[Smug parent produces a crumpled little wrapped present] SP: The gift of boredom. [He gives it to his child, who opens it to find it empty] CHILD: What is it SP: Some boredom. Now piss off.
[Smug Parent shows us his child, sat in front of an Xbox] SP: But not mine. [Smug Parent smashes the Xbox with a hammer] SP: On the first day of summer, I give my children something truly unexpected….
oh yeah sorry - SMUG PARENT’S GUIDE to SURVIVING THE SUMMER HOLIDAYS [Show a smug looking parent] SMUG PARENT: Hello there – I’m Smug Parent SP: The summer holidays are here again! A whole 6 weeks of family time. SP: Tragically, most kids will spend it plonked in front of an Xbox playing Fortnite.
I meant to post this earlier in the school holidays but haven't had time cos I've been spending time with my kids
Famously Kurt cobain's favourite band. Kurt knew
the perfect song with the perfect video, somewhat lost in the noise of the 90s. Still moves me as much as when I was 17 ❤️
Happy birthday a day late to Gerry Love, who should have been knighted by now for this song youtu.be/jdeqYx-9-AQ?...
Ha cheers Stuart. Was a dream to illustrate!
No moaning about the teachers and definitely no nudes! How to survive the school WhatsApp group
i couldn't find it when I looked an hour ago - maybe it's up now. Looks better in the print version though!
Reposting with Stuart's very funny column blurred so you go and buy the paper! It's a great piece, worth a trip to the shop
In today's Guardian (not online yet) I drew a section cover and column illos for a great piece by @heritage.bsky.social about parents' WhatsApp groups. It was one of those jobs where I got *way* too into details/narrative design, trying to make single illustrations read across page like a comic.
🤞
thanks you
explaining scary things in the news to your elected leaders www.theguardian.com/lifeandstyle...
I'm opening up my family portrait commissions again, for any that need to be completed in time for Christmas – please see the link in my bio for details. This is one from last month: a family who live in South London and travel a lot by train #portrait #artgift
I'm afraid not - they are all limited editions you see
Thank you!
I have four new prints in my shop! All ltd edition giclee art prints, nicely designed to fit a standard frame. Shop link in bio #comic #artprint #cartoons
www.theguardian.com/lifeandstyle...
Clarification: wild swimming articles, not the actual wild swimming. That's fun
don't know how this fits with the 'wild swimming is wank' persona I've hung my soul around, hmm
have that
![[Scene is a BEACH. A little kid is running towards the shore. Speech bubbles that follow are mostly coming from THE SEA, which is sort of talking to us.] 1 THE SEA: Happens all the time. 2 THE SEA: One second they’re a kid thoughtlessly running into me for joy [Show kid running towards the sea] 3 THE SEA: And the next, they’re an adult standing there contemplating my sublime, death-like endlessness. [Show the kid instantly transformed into an adult, hands on hips, boringly contemplating the horizon]. 4 THE SEA: I mean, I get it. I’m the *Sea*. I don’t really do the whole ‘time’ thing. But it always seems to happen so *quick*. 5 THE SEA: Right. One way to fix this. [Shoe the waves licking up against their toes] 6 PERSON [shocked from cold]: JESUS 7 THE SEA: Come on a bit further …. [Person paddles out into the water a bit] 8 THE SEA: That’s it… bit further… [Person wades to waist height] 9 THE SEA: Right. [Person standing still waist height in sea] 10 THE SEA: HAVE THAT. [BIG WAVE goes over them] 11 [They are instantly transformed back to a kid again] KID [laughing]: UURGHHAHA 12 THE SEA: Works every time [ends]](https://cdn.bsky.app/img/feed_thumbnail/plain/did:plc:4m3we4apbjayclzcnhwe3pfp/bafkreieicvtdewblsbowa5v4pu5njiydmbuz7vo4ewrgw32siimdyb3ckq@jpeg "Click to view full size")
www.theguardian.com/lifeandstyle...
Lisa Nandy, the UK culture secretary, claims that #PalestineAction "wishes harm on the British people." That is simply false. It is yet another retrospective justification by this government for its unjustifiable ban on the group.
As end-of-empire scenarios go it is so much more dignified to get your capital city sacked by the Visigoths than to have a bunch of illiterate rich people in their 70s doing it through a series of incomprehensible tantrums because their brains were defeated by their phones.
No - it's winning the lottery, and then seeing the face of God. It's just unfathomably lucky
And then one day you do Tom Hollander, and he's obviously gone "don't worry, I'll write it" and you're like, oookaaaay, and then her emails you back with::::: this. It's the grunt-level journalist's equivalent of winning the lottery.
The hidden interlocutor here is the unsung journo who has to ghost this column, and no doubt ends up with a weekly brain-bleed trying to claw a 'typical' day out of boring interviewees. I used to do a similar thing, and the number of times they would just go "but but but I don't HAVE a typical day"
Ugh it's the shepherd boy
![1. [SCENE: Medieval village next to a hill with sheep grazing on it. From somewhere in the village comes a sound effect:] DING 2. [We now see a MEDIEVAL PERSON looking at a smartphone. He is talking to ANOTHER MEDIEVAL PERSON] MEDIEVAL GUY: Ugh [Phone sounds again] DING 3 MEDIEVAL GUY: It’s that shepherd boy again 4 MEDIEVAL GUY: He’s started a WhatsApp group for wolf attacks 5 MEDIEVAL GUY: Everybody in the village has joined it to be polite But he’s got all needy and started oversharing 6 [Show the guy’s phone. It displays a WhatsApp group called 'Sheep Chat!!!’, with a photo posted by the Shepherd boy of him taking a selfie with a sheep. Caption reads “HEY GUYS THE SHEEP SAY HI!!!!”] 7 MEDIEVAL GUY: I really want to leave the group bit it’d look too rude It’s like his only entertainment up there 8 ANOTHER MEDIEVAL PERSON: Mute him then [Phone goes DING again] 9 MEDIEVAL GUY: But what if a wolf comes along and eats him and his flock in some kind of narratively satisfying bloodbath? 10 [He pauses. Phone goes DING once more.] 11 [PHONE GOES CRAZY] DING DING DING [He looks at it and just presses MUTE] 12 MEDIEVAL GUY: Ahem. [ends]](https://cdn.bsky.app/img/feed_thumbnail/plain/did:plc:4m3we4apbjayclzcnhwe3pfp/bafkreibr67fq2gyoerxbrdi7ky6yzxk65obkhnpjtj6x4idmj7oo6hxojm@jpeg "Click to view full size")
In 2022 I received the wholesome DM in the image on the left on the Other Site, tonight I received the one on the right 🥹🥹🥹🥹
Lovely. I can only imagine X is having some kind of immuno-shock collapse after having something nice happen inside it
![Cartoon by Stephen Collins - here's the script: 1 [Title panel] Changes to our Airport Drop Off Fees 2 Please note from August 2nd we will be charging a Dropping Mum Off At The Airport fee of £6.00 3 Please note from August 3rd we will be charging a Dropping Mum Off By Drone fee of £6.50 4 Please note from August 4th we will be charging a Firing Mum At The Airport From A Cannon fee of £7.00 5 Please note from August 5th we will be charging a Get Mum To Start Tunnelling To The Airport Four Years Before Her Holiday fee of £7.50 6 Please note from August 6th we will be charging a Getting Mum Bitten By A Vampire Show She Can Fly In As A Bat fee of £8.00 7 Please note from August 8th we will be charging a Dressing Mum Up As A Pilot And Dropping Her Off In A 747 So It Just Looks Like We Took A Wrong Turn fee of £8.50 8 Please note from August 9th we will be charging a Blowing Up The Fence And Telling Mum To Run Mum For God’s Sake Run fee of £9.00 9 [Show a couple Man and Woman doing this - a hole blown in the airport fence, while they shout at Mum]: Man: RUN MUM FOR GOD’S SAKE RUUUUN 10 [pause as they watch her running across the runways] 11 Man: THAT’S IT MUM. UP THE LANDING GEAR. 12 Woman [Looking at a drop off charges sign]: Oh they’re charging for this now Man: You’re joking [Police arrive in background to arrest them] [Ends]](https://cdn.bsky.app/img/feed_thumbnail/plain/did:plc:4m3we4apbjayclzcnhwe3pfp/bafkreig54ca4v4gpuj53bapal7fdudxr3llsx6et4tltg6bcpvtfonsqqa@jpeg "Click to view full size")
Please note the changes to our Airport Drop-Off Fees www.theguardian.com/lifeandstyle...
RIP Allan Ahlberg. Gorgeous, resonant, timeless work that will live forever.
Honestly if there are sniper holes in the foreheads of children, I don’t care if your own reasoning allows you to sidestep the G-word, there is no logical parsing that can justify these acts, there is no gentlemanly symmetrical warfare based on some colonial guideline, this is mass human hunting.
Can't lie I would love this
Oh my god 😍😍😍
Oh god why is it always always penalties
![[Scene is Women’s World Cup match showing on big screen in pub, lots of FANS in pub watching it cheerfully, apart from one guy at the back looking grumpy] 1 FANS [as goal goes in]: YYEEEESSS! 2 COMMENTATOR 1 VOICEOVER ON THE TV: Ooh and there's been a VAR check on that goal 3 COMMENTATOR 2: Yeah Robyn it looks like there’s been a question about it... 4 [show a miserable gammony bloke watching the same from the back of the pub] COMMENTATOR 2: …from Brian at the back of the pub. 5 COMMENTATOR 1: Looking at the replay we can see Brian using this rare moment of uncomplicated national joy 6 COMMENTATOR 1: to talk about men. BRIAN [holding his pint while he watches the screen, grumbling his own commentary]: Grumble Grumble Grumble men’s game 7 COMMENTATOR 2: Yeah you can see from his body position he’s making a dumb and sexist comparison there 8 COMMENTATOR 1: The ref’s made her decision… [Ref returns to the pitch, making one of the big VAR speeches they’ve started doing through her head-mic] 9 REF: MY JUDGEMENT IS… 10 REF: BRIAN IS TALKING BOLLOCKS. 11 PEOPLE IN PUB: YEEEAAH 12 PEOPLE IN PUB [all pointing at Brian]: SHUT UP BRIAN SHUT UP BRIAN](https://cdn.bsky.app/img/feed_thumbnail/plain/did:plc:4m3we4apbjayclzcnhwe3pfp/bafkreidptbbvbpc664jxdtqfonnmfoz4mb2ldyiglirnxknvunk5uc6e4u@jpeg "Click to view full size")
www.theguardian.com/lifeandstyle...
oh i bet he does!
I don't think it's reductive. 'Losing confidence in your doctor because of a strike' is not a felt reality for most people when they are actually seeing their doctor or interacting with the NHS. It's a consequence that seems to happen only in the media's imagination
Haha why charlatan though? Did he rip someone off
Yesterday I was wondering whether I needed to show my kids the last three Jurassic films before they see the new one. Now I'm wondering if I need to show them Inherent Vice
I feel we may be living through one of those times which are so deeply culturally strange that we don't realise it until it's passed and everything has got homogenised and predictable again. (This is the upcoming Paul Thomas Anderson film)
I seem to recall he liked queen? Even mentioned mercury in his suicide note ☹️
I regret to inform you we are now entering the 'ghost jizz' stage. Spotted by @jimwhalley.bsky.social
Moon Influencer: from 2019. The start of the confessional-authenticity boom on social media, as well as the Chinese govt beating the US at Moon exploration. #loveyourcraters
![Cartoon by Stephen Collins for the Guardian from back in 2019. Here’s the script: [The scene is SPACE, with our big round friend, THE MOON, in it. The Moon is talking to a satellite which is filming it as it talks] THE MOON: **DEEP BREATH**… [The scene now cuts to a compiuter screen. We are watching a YOUTUBE VIDEO - which is being livestreamed by the satellite we just saw filming the Moon. The Moon is talking to us, like a YouTuber, and the video it is posting is called ‘Learning to accept myself!’] THE MOON: Hi guys... So today's post is gonna be tough... But I feel that, as your Moon, there's a lot of you that look up to me. And I have a responsibility to show you that the perfect images you see on social media aren't real. So here goes… For 4.5 billion years I have suffered from a really cratered ass. [We now see the Moon from the side, which shows that one the side we can’t see, it is covered in craters.] It's a condition known as meteorites. And I spend so much *energy* showing you my smooth seas and radiant light, but it's all *fake*… Even my light is... reflected! SOB! [Show sun shining on Moon’s Earth-facing side] But now - SNIFF - I've got this great new sponsor, the Chinese government... ...who've sent me their amazing new Chang'e 4 rover, to help me feel empowered by taking beautiful photos of my 'dark' side. [Show the Chinese Rover taking photos on the Moon’s surface] So check ‘em out guys - www.gov.cn! Hashtag, #loveyourcraters. [Ends]](https://cdn.bsky.app/img/feed_thumbnail/plain/did:plc:4m3we4apbjayclzcnhwe3pfp/bafkreihztav7h24yxhatbwq26yziy3tdwycofcwr4tceyej4dor6axkqki@jpeg "Click to view full size")
what??
Licorice Pizza is AMAZING
![1 [Title panel] Celebrity Race Across The World 2 [Voiceover] Meanwhile in Italy, Yvette and Ed have to cross a river. [Show YVETTE COOPER and ED BALLS standing on a riverbank. At Yvette’s feet is a canoe. Ed is reading a guidebook.] 3 ED BALLS: Yvette - are you sure crossing the Rubicon is a good idea? YVETTE COOPER: It’s the only way, Ed. 4 ED BALLS: Only it says in the guidebook ‘The Rubicon is noted for the on-the-nose political annotations which can be seen in its currents’… 5 ED BALLS [squinting up from his guidebook to look at the river]: Oh yeah, look - 6 [We see an elevated view of the river, where the words BANNING NONVIOLENT PROTEST are written in the waves]. 7 YVETTE COOPER: Cor, that’s amazing! 8 ED BALLS: And I can’t help noticing the canoe you’ve found has ‘THE FOLLY OF POWER’ written on it [Show their canoe by Yvette’s feet, with THE FOLLY OF POWER written on the side]. 9 ED BALLS: And can you see that *sign* on the other side… 10 [Show the land on the other sign of the river which has a sign stuck in the ground reading]: AN ACTUAL AUTHORITARIAN DYSTOPIA, DON’T BE MENTAL 11 YVETTE COOPER: Sorry Ed - remind me what you do again…? ED BALLS: An awful podcast with George Osborne. YVETTE COOPER: And I’m…? 12 ED BALLS: Home Secretary. YVETTE COOPER: Get in the on-the-nose canoe, Ed. [ends]](https://cdn.bsky.app/img/feed_thumbnail/plain/did:plc:4m3we4apbjayclzcnhwe3pfp/bafkreia6nksjx4m23dbe6qieay44y7b63rnsaoy5k3vouanq3rml2toem4@jpeg "Click to view full size")
one of the very few comics the guardian ever said no to - at the time I was convinced you could vaguely sort of bracket the word as a ruder cousin of "twit". And when I tried to use a different word it just didn't work
Sometimes, I long for him
My kids absolutely lost it at that one
It feels like the most virtuous scroll hole, like instagram but you only follow 7 funny people
God the Fast Show was so ahead of its time. Showed it to my kids tonight while floundering for something short to watch before and they loved it
Get in my on the nose canoe Ed www.theguardian.com/lifeandstyle...
![[Scene is a DAD driving a car, stopped at traffic lights, with SON in the back seat. Music is playing on the car stereo] 1 SON: Hey dad, who’s this song by? 2 DAD: Oh it’s the Wild Young Youth Band! SON: It’s actually pretty good… 3 VOICE FROM OFF SCENE: STOP RIGHT THERE 4 DAD: Who the hell are you 5 [A man dressed like a sad old Britpop version of the GREEN CROSS CODE MAN has appeared by the car. He says:] I’m BAND REVIVAL SAFETY MAN. 6 BRSM: Your son is currently looking up videos of the Wild Young Youth Band from 30 years ago… 7 BRSM: Their peak-period sound and hey-day good looks are forming a solid image in his young mind. [Show the boy googling the band on a phone - they look young, lean and beautiful] 8 BRSM: Have you considered what will happen to him when the Wild Young Youth Band inevitably… 9 REFORM? [Show empty stage on a news video on the phone screen] News ticker headline: Wild Young Youth Band Comeback Gig 10 [Onto the stage walk the band, old, bald, wrinkly] 11 Show a diagram of the boy’s head and brain. Annotations tell us his YOUNG BRAIN is suffering INSTANT EXISTENTIAL SHOCK by the apprehension of TIME’S CEASELESS MARCH 12 BRSM: Quick, put an artist under 30 on DAD: I DON’T KNOW ANY [ends]](https://cdn.bsky.app/img/feed_thumbnail/plain/did:plc:4m3we4apbjayclzcnhwe3pfp/bafkreiabwyncpopb3cco2vmehl7xiknhijblpusyjxigks63f26mfwjhzi@jpeg "Click to view full size")
Everyone a little too quick to say Trump is implicated in the Epstein files, without considering the other likely option: that he is doing his very own personal Brewster's Millions, where the challenge is he has one week to make every single person in America think he's a paedophile.
Good point! I just do them everywhere though. For an HR trade magazine called 'Edge' I think
Posting 18 little characters from a trade mag illo because I liked them and nobody saw them: number 4. A man who is handy a handyman if you will who has all his clothing seams very prominently drawn because that's a thing I've done for ages and I don't really know why. #illustration #characterdesign
ha no a year after that actually
An old one from 2012
![Cartoon by Stephen Collins. The images in this comic show a mum with a baby, and the poem is implicitly being spoken by a friend of the mother, who has come to admire the new baby. However, all the images of the baby are very sinister – we quickly realise that this poem is describing a demon baby, with a fork tongue, swivelling head, claws for feet, etc] Script is as follows: YOUR BABY is just so gorgeous, Liz... [narrator says](https://cdn.bsky.app/img/feed_thumbnail/plain/did:plc:4m3we4apbjayclzcnhwe3pfp/bafkreicwaz6rp66lpphf45b2x345wnnlp43srnsrbb7lghulkxutjfazai@jpeg "Click to view full size")
I don't want to be all 'blame the girlfriend' but I am utterly convinced that she trapanned him. The permanently ecstatic tone of everything PG is consistent with being trapanned by geyneth Paltrow
Oh fifa are really going for it and I fear they will win in the end
I simply want to watch judgy middle aged people I know and like having a chat in this bit I do not want this
Help coldplay are in the football match and I do not like it
(Am now kicking myself I didn't do the symbol on his chest like the Oasis decca logo, ah well)
Always remember the Band Revival Code www.theguardian.com/lifeandstyle...
Maybe he doesn't know it's up there. Like with Christmas party hats
Actually inspired by a father John misty gig. Shocking. So many FJMs. It was like beard Spartacus
![1 [Wide image of a gig with crowd in a music venue. A couple - LISA and DAN, a guy with a beard - are waiting for the band to come onstage] LISA: Psst Dan! Don’t look now… 2 [Show Lisa and Dan’s faces close up] LISA: But the bloke next to us looks just like you! 3 [Show Dan subtly looking to his right. We see the guy standing in the crowd next to them is identical to Dan.] DAN: Oh my god… LISA: Haha 4 [We now see that the woman standing next to the guy, is identical to Lisa] DAN: And look at the woman! 5 [Close up on Dan’s face as he now looks to his left] DAN: Hang on… 6 [Show a wider view of Dan and Lisa in the crowd. Every couple is a clone of them.] 7 [Wide image of the stage as the band walk out] [Audience]: CLAP CLAP CLAP WHOO 8 [Show the band close up. They are a duo, who also look exactly like Dan and Lisa.] BAND: Hi y’all we’re Dan and Lisa 9 [Show Dan in the crowd’s reaction, he is looking severely spooked] BAND: This first song is about 10 BAND: …how music is like, a *universal human language* that brings people together… 11 BAND: …especially if they’re from similar backgrounds and can afford a ticket. It’s called: 12 BAND: Try To Ignore That Everybody At This Gig Looks The Same [Audience]: WHOO! CLAP CLAP [ends]](https://cdn.bsky.app/img/feed_thumbnail/plain/did:plc:4m3we4apbjayclzcnhwe3pfp/bafkreif232sielbmevahbmdxqi2v6hv5zvtqjf6azkhfaivwcc5cscgr7y@jpeg "Click to view full size")
thank you John!
Recent portrait commission of a young family who have a special spot they visit. Their kids are mad about dinosaurs. #portrait #familyportrait #artgift
I mean if only they'd held back to make a film about the real story. It's SO fascinating and resonant
And if your Bad Thing lets the English grads of Bluesky talk about things like the nature of reality and redemption arcs and misinformation in the simulacrum of postmodernism oh baby you are *fucked* haha
Stumbling into being a multi-level Omniwrongun lol
The Salt Path people's big mistake was not just doing an Interestingly Bad Thing but doing an Interestingly Bad Thing which is nested inside two other Interestingly Bad Things (autobio porkies & 'natural' remedy grifting) so that everybody talks about your Interesting Badness for days
Becoming convinced that iPlayer is like a gatekeeping fan who doesn't want other people getting into its favourite shows
If I ever get seen doing a crime I'm gonna look them in the eye and say: be honest now can you be arsed
Respect this. It's a fork in the road with one path signed: massive fucking faff
it's that time of year again
![1 [show exterior of a comprehensive primary school, voice of TEACHER taking assembly emanating from it]: TEACHER: Ok children 2 [Interior of school hall, TEACHER is taking school ASSEMBLY] TEACHER: Now the next hymn we're going to sing is one of your favourites... 3 [she puts the words to a hymn up on the interactive whiteboard. It's title is]: 'Better-Off Families Should Pay Less For Their Summer Holidays' CHILDREN; Yay! 4 [the children all sing]: God made the cloud of starlings God made the flock of sheep 5 God made the kids at private school Get holidays for cheap 6 God made the herds of Land Rovers That stream across the plain 7 Two weeks before the rest of us For cut-price stays in Spain! [show exterior of the school, while Land Rovers stream past it down the road, with surfboards and bikes on top] 8 God made the two-tier system God made the Hidden Hand 9 God made two weeks in Bog-nor Cost upwards of two grand! 11 Aaaaaaa-meeeeeen...! 12 TEACHER: Very good children [show exterior scene again, Land Rovers etc]](https://cdn.bsky.app/img/feed_thumbnail/plain/did:plc:4m3we4apbjayclzcnhwe3pfp/bafkreia5wmxguqfmnxju56hohubuk6r7yblfbavly4ghk2hbs27m3kmvkq@jpeg "Click to view full size")
My kids are always asking me to leave the room even when they're watching the most banal stuff on a TV, I think they want a privacy to TV that we didn't grow up with. Also there is something intangibly 'sensible' about the design language of iPlayer, esp since they binned off the kids app
(That they don't respond to iPlayer on TV I mean )
Interesting - is it because of no auto playing on the home page bit?
Politics can be complex, but every so often it’s pretty easy to tell which side of history you’re on. For example, if you require the police to arrest elderly ladies for peacefully protesting against genocide, that’ll probably be the wrong side.
Dunno why but that made me die laughing and it has ever since when I see a bottle
When I was a student a friend of mine had a bottle with VSOP written on it and we were trying to work out what it stood for and collectively worked our way towards "Very... Special... Old... Piss"
Just had it up to here with this entitlement culture
I mean I know a lot of you are like "ooh free netflix, ooh free corn flakes" but no, you should think about the people whose house you're living in (the walls of)
Music is a great way to deal with stressful life events
Just really not ok behaviour
Today I learned that there's a word for when someone lives inside your wall cavities and comes out when you're not around and eats your food and watches you through ventilation bricks as you sleep - apparently that's called: 'Unacceptable'
How to celebrate Flying Ant Day www.theguardian.com/lifeandstyle...