๐คทโโ๏ธ
Laugh at the absurd, ponder the peculiar, and celebrate the sheer randomness of existence. DCist.
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๐คทโโ๏ธ
It took 20 years of the โwar on terrorโ to chip away at Americaโs reputation, but Trump bulldozed what was left in under nine months.
It took 20 years of the โwar on terrorโ to chip away at Americaโs reputation, but Trump bulldozed what was left in under nine months.
Fake Trump talks about trade policy. Real Trump talks about crowd sizes, hamburgers, and toilets that donโt flush.
If you're 60, 69.1% of all job growth since your birth occurred under Democratic administrations. If you're 45, that number is 74.7%. If you're under 28, the number is 100%. Happy Labor Day.
Iโm sure people who follow me know that.
$8 trillion in tariffs, but GoFundMe is still our national healthcare plan.
This situation can easily be remedied by not testing the water.
Sure seems like weโve exhausted the conventional tools at our disposal.
I aim to please. But itโs sincere.
Citing cogs does nothing to describe the wheel.
Just name one. Thatโs all Iโm asking.
Michael Stipe is the only guy who can sing about the end of the world and still make you feel like recycling.
If God knows everything then he already knows my schedule and that Iโm not showing up Sunday morning.
Poor Donald has had so many panic attacks lately his Secret Service detail carries a defibrillator and a bucket of Diet Coke.
The Red Sox owners were thinking about signing Shohei Ohtani before finding out all they needed was a photo-op with a guy who thinks baseball has goalposts.
Me: "Forgive me, Father, for I voted Republican." Priest: [sighs] "My child...why?" Me: "I just wanted lower taxes." Priest: "Say ten Our Fathers and sacrifice a Tesla." Me: "Do I get to keep the AR-15?โ
From last year. Heโs always been weird. www.huffpost.com/entry/trump-...
๐จ BREAKING NEWS ๐จ Trump confirmed alive. Nation lowers flags to half-staff.
This looks less like a family photo and more like a rejected promo for โThe Shining: Penthouse Edition.โ
Men, if you have a small penis, just register as a Republican and youโll become a big dick.
Heโs waiting for his pony tail to grow a little longer.
Itโs true.
New Hampshire - where โLive Free or Dieโ will take on a whole new meaning this winter.
Stephen Miller looks like the intern Satan sends when heโs busy.
Stephen Miller looks like the villain in a movie about tax audits.
Trump picked Vance for loyalty and got a guy whoโd sell him out for a Costco rotisserie chicken.
I donโt know who needs to hear this, but we donโt need to fight fairly against fascism. We just need to fight.
โRise up. Roll up. Resist.โ DC flag redesign underway.
Gonna put some DC flags on my pickup truck and drive around like ISIS. Might even block Key Bridge. Who's with me?
Ifyou want to see bright-eyed-and-bushy-tailed this morning go look out the window at squirrels.
I call it โthe Jimโ instead of โthe Johnโ so I can say I go to the Jim first thing every morning.
I stretched this morning and my moans are now available on PornHub in all but 20 states.
So heโs Lazarus, but with a golf cart.
No, and itโs also unlikely heโs dead.
If Trump is dead -
The world if Trump is dead.
Working title - โSurvivor: Assisted Living Edition.โ
I'm pretty open-minded where sex is concerned, but I draw the line at anything even remotely involving a Republican.
Breeding with a Conservative sounds like a human rights violation the Geneva Conventions forgot to ban.
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The three-legged cat owners in my replies want me to delete this post but I said what I said.
Epsteinโs files are more classified than Trumpโs BMI.
Make Arthritis Great Again
Trump has been working harder to conceal the Epstein files than a three-legged cat trying to bury a turd on a marble floor.
They had to shut down Rock Creek because they discovered a huge turd swimming in it. ๐
Thatโs what nannies are for. ๐คฎ
If Newsom plays like this all the way into the Oval that wouldnโt bother me even a little. Americans like fighters.
Walmartโs new slogan: โSave less, live poorer.โ
Whew! I like an occasional piece of bacon, but not at $7.50 a slice ๐คฃ
Iโve seen a lot of fucked up shit in my day, but this might just take the cake.
The tweet isnโt really about Ashli Babbitt - itโs about weaponizing race for outrage clicks. What a cunt.
Bacon is $74 a pound?
Like a toddler pulling the batteries out of someone elseโs toy.
This was the last moment we thought we still had time.
Imagine if the Surgeon General said, โDonโt ask me, I smoke.โ
Trump will likely ruin the economy for a decade.
Nothing says โfamily valuesโ like detaining your family.
Update: I just slept with my therapist - it was amazing, and Iโm getting a half off discount on therapy! Meanwhile, my boyfriend is DMing Ana de Armasโs fan club on Twitter.
If theyโre going to give an award to a domestic terrorist, isnโt it time we posthumously recognize Timothy McVeigh?
Bold of DHS to go straight from 1 Thessalonians to DEFCON 1. What idiots.
Decline isnโt a choice and Trump is living proof.
We need to put all white males on SSRIs.
Sirhan Sirhan didnโt pull a prescription pad, he pulled a trigger.
My boyfriend and I made a list of people we could have sex with if we ever got the chance. He chose Margot Robbie, Charlize Theron, and Ana de Armas. I picked his younger brother, my therapist, and the neighbor who waves at me shirtless.
Call of Duty: Dear Leader Edition.
Call of Duty: Operation Clean Sweep.
Itโs the only facial hair the Guard allows so they can wear gas masks.
Call of Duty: Waiting Around Edition.
Trump got 49.8% to Harrisโs 48.3%, a margin of just 1.5 points. Thatโs even closer than Hillary Clintonโs popular vote win in 2016.
We wanted to know if Trump's attempts to bully the Fed could unintentionally cause mortgages to become more expensive. So we talked to a podcaster who'd spent the past 6 hours trying to get Grok to say the N-word.
My mother was friendly with Kara Kennedy, Teddyโs daughter, and attended her funeral in 2011. RFK Jr was there and literally NO ONE in the family even spoke to him at the funeral or afterwards.
Whoa there Governor - Chicago: โWe donโt need the National Guard.โ Also Chicago: โBut if they shovel our sidewalks in February, weโll talk.โ
๐ซถ
Wow. Heโs handsome as well as smart.
Proof that denial isnโt just a river in Egypt.
Subway is still naming a sub after him: "The Felony Footlong."
Chicago: โWe donโt need the National Guard.โ Also Chicago: โBut if they shovel our sidewalks in February, weโll talk.โ
The post isn't about global warming my friend. Stick to the topic at hand ๐
Sure thing. I follow as many as I can but I got behind and will never catch up.
Trump is only deploying them for 29 days instead of 30 so they Guardsmen won't get a housing allowance.
๐คฃ
Chicago: โWe donโt need the National Guard.โ Also Chicago: โBut if they'll shovel our sidewalks in February, we can talk.โ
A Midsummer Nightโs Scream.
Uruguay. Friendly people, moderate cost of living, very little income disparity, great beaches. Specifically, Iโd live in Punta del Este.
It seems to work for Republicans.
Start at 1600 Pennsylvania Ave.
Trumpโs cabinet meetings are actually a support group for people whoโve lost their dignity.
Subway is now featuring a new โ$5 Felony Footlong.โ
Identity theft used to be a crime but now itโs just a Trump Cabinet meeting agenda item.
Iโm sure that as soon as Trump solves local DC homelessness heโll release the Epstein files.
๐
This would have been a perfect opportunity for Trump to go CAPS LOCKED to show Newsom hasnโt gelded him.
Because every reality show eventually gets a spinoff no one asked for.
Nothing. Itโs a joke.
Cracker Barrel, where even the salads come with a side of bacon, is keeping the cracker.
